On OKCupid, there are questions used to compute your compatibility with potential mates for a relationship, as friends, or as enemies. Whenever I encounter a high enemy rating, I’m always assured that woman is a Christian with extra-marital children, and they hate homosexuals. I’m that heterosexual black male who endures flak for drawing a civil rights analogy from the homosexual movement for marital equality. America has statistically disproven the efficacy of marriage, denying the right to be federally observed as a matrimonial union is a senseless affront to the Bill of Rights. The internet, our final modicum of democracy, has logically argued, “Oh, you don’t like gay marriage? Then don’t get gay married.” And that makes sense.

I would love more gay male friends, their typically impeccable style complements me, and they have a knack for attracting attractive women. Gay females on the other hand, have shared far fewer benefits in my favor, especially being menage opposed; sorry ladies, I’m sure you’re wonderful people nonetheless. If I must confess distaste for anyone, it’s for obscenely flamboyant people; gay or straight, I'm an introvert, that much attention is nauseating. For some helpful insight from my inexplicably accurate gaydar, ladies meet kegels; because once a man mentions anal sex, then he’s obviously bored of your most feminine feature.

Two people have ever asked me if I were gay, one privately gossiped as much, another thought he could insult me with a public insinuation, and multiple gay men have hit on me; I was flattered every time. Because, even as a heterosexual black man of West Indian descent, the second most homophobic region of the world outside of the Middle East, I don’t associate homosexuality with bad or wrong. At the same time, there’s another internet meme that asked, “What if homosexuality is nature’s way of preventing over population.” And I can find the humor in that, the same way I can be entertained by Django Unchained, Dave Chappelle skits, and rap music. It’s easy to digress over the suitable nature of potentially offensive humor, butt fuck it; everyone deserves a fair chance.

This proud Canadian will not be voting on this 2012 Presidential Election Day; we Canadians, like the rest of the international political scene, actually wonder why Mitt Romney is listed on the ballot as a serious threat, and fully expect a land slide victory for President Barack Obama.

The President's greatest misstep was questioning his own presidency, when he said in February 2009 that his presidency would be a "one-term proposition" if the economy did not recover in three years; obviously he failed in this regard per his own standard, a card the Republicans have used time and time again without contradiction; after which, all controversy should end, because Barack Obama has succeeded in the totality of his presidency, by even Republican standards:

• Stricter immigration? As of July, Obama deported 1.5 times more immigrants on average than Bush deported every month; add the Dream Act .
• Protect the right to bear arms? Obama hasn't pushed gun control measures as president and has signed laws letting people carry concealed weapons.
• Stronger Israel ties and Iran opposition? Quote Mitt Romney himself, "There's No Daylight Between The United States And Israel" and "The Crippling Sanctions Do Have An Impact"

Watch the last debate again to witness Mitt Romney blindly agree on all counts. While fact checkers have irrefutably proven that Republicans have consistently lied through their teeth to contend and prey on the gullible with fear tactics, I wonder how Americans could possibly miss the Republican war against Americans, was Sandra Fluke not enough? Binders full of women? The 47% percent who never take personal responsibility and care for their lives?

This farcical illusion of a close race is most likely being perpetuated by the media for ratings, like when the Republican nomination was clearly Mitt Romney, yet we had to endure Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, and Rick Santorum biographical segments? This isn't to dissuade anyone from voting, do not let your guard down, because Murphy's Law dictates "anything that can go wrong will go wrong," and it's already scary to think that if corporations can buy more political influence than the voice of constituents can, then we're not far from the first purchased election. In parting, you deserve the love you accept, and the government you elect. Vote Forward.

Post Script: I have been wrong before, for which I plan to atone in full in a future post; and as a Canadian, I have a pretty solid out just in case.

For clarity, it’s my position that Joe Biden won this round hands down for reasons published live to @twitter during the event:

• @joebiden seems to be having a good time getting trounced early, at least he's more pro-active than @barackobama was during his drubbing.
• @joebiden's strategy appears to ensure we do not forget that @barackobama executed his military promises #fact
• @paulryanvp's strategy appears to incite a war against the Middle East while simultaneously citing peace and democracy
• @joebiden: they don't have a weapon to put uranium in to, #Iran is more secluded than when we took office, #facts matter
• @paulryanvp: #Iran is more secluded due to our sanctions despite the @barackobama administration, we need to change the Ayatollah's mind #war
• @joebiden: we can get unemployment to under 6%, I don't know how long it will take, let's look at the #facts...
• Listen @joebiden, as much as I enjoy the #facts, you're arguing before Americans, they need to feel better, not know better #win
• @paulryanvp: did they inherit a bad situation? Yes, but we're going in the wrong direction, this is not what a recovery looks like
• @paulryanvp: here's a story about @mittromney's charitable givings to answer how long it will take unemployment to dip below 6%...
• @paulryanvp: @barackobama's stimulus plan was terrible, and yet, we requested money from said plan, thanks @joebiden
• @joebiden: @AmerMedicalAssn and @AARP supported #ObamaCare, seniors enjoy more benefits than they did, all without a voucher system
• Martha Raddatz is doing a stellar job, @joebiden vs. @paulryanvp is everything @barackobama vs. @mittromney should have been
• @joebiden: is @paulryanvp upset we're not sending more Americans into the worst part of #Afghanistan? We're sending more Afghans!
• #Syria @joebiden: please notice @paulryanvp never answers the question, pay attention as I reiterate a real answer
• Martha: what would @paulryanvp do in #Syria? We'd work w/ the freedom fighters, not call Assad a reformer, and fuck #Russia
• Martha Raddatz is trolling @paulryanvp, this beating is worse than the one @mittromney doled out to @barackobama; #debates knotted up
• #religion @paulryanvp: As a Catholic, @barackobama and #ObamaCare is infringing upon our first freedom.
• @joebiden: As a Catholic, I refuse to impose my beliefs on others #respect
• No mention of #nationalcomingoutday #omission #malarkey
• @paulryanvp: if you don't have a record to run on, then paint your opponent as someone to run from, did I say that already? Thrice
• @paulryanvp between the eye batting, water sipping, Forrest Gump smile, #stories, and purple striped red tie #Fail
• @paulryanvp would likely take @joebiden in a fist fight, and yet, I wouldn't be surprised if he lost; or saw Beau Biden, and left
• Two minutes into @cnn post analysis, this is despicable; @joebiden acted like @mittromney, why evisceration instead of praise now?

My notes from the final night of the Republican National Convention, served in reverse order.

• @barackobama following the #rnc and @thedailyshow interview w/ Michael Steele, your task is clear, invite Ron Paul to speak at the #dnc #fb
• #rnc @thedailyshow Michael Steele, these conventions are largely INFOMERCIALS, not to get into the nuts and bolts of arguments.
• We must thank Clint Eastwood for revealing there is a President Obama that only Republicans can see @thedailyshow #rnc #late
• ... will the Democratic National Convention be equally reminiscent of a @wwe event?
• ... there's a problem if the night @barackobama was elected, remains your fondest memory of his presidency #truth
• ... the Romney-Ryan families charge the stage with "Living in America" blaring to end the #rnc
• ... @klout @googlechrome influence extension reveals @barackobama > @mittromney
• ... the Willard equation: champion wealthy success, stress opposition shortcomings, outline vague solutions.
• ... was Willard this critical of Bush about leaving office worse than he found it?
• ... who poses better than Willard Mitt Romney during pauses? This well of #rhetoric is truly impressive.
• ... Willard has all the traits of a winner, from his dress, to his smile, to his gestures and speech; Democrats are on the clock
• ... per Clint Eastwood's claim against lawyers for President, Romney has a law degree from Harvard #quit
• ... that awkward moment Marco Rubio receives an applause because he can speak Spanish
• ... watching Marco Rubio wait for applause is uncomfortable, someone needs to adjust the applaud cue cards.
• ... Marco Rubio's grand father knows how special America is, apart from the rest of the world, because he used to live in Cuba
• ... listening to Clint Eastwood discuss politics reminds me of the Chappelle joke about Ja Rule's opinion during September 11th
• ... watching surprise guest Clint Eastwood fumble through PRESIDENT Obama insults is worse than watching rappers try to act
• ... RNC sponsored video showed a loving family man, effective businessman, convincing leader, generally without fault #rhetoric
• ... swore everyone meant Taylor Swift was performing, still don't know how this guy won American Idol, weak field that season?
• ... best part of Paul Ryan's speech was hearing how he was carved out of a piece of wood by an old Italian man named Geppetto

“Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.” - John Steinbeck

America is where the word swagger was culturally too long to pronounce, and Americans marketed themselves with the word swag in self offense. Where the idea of a billion dollars, more than the net worth of a life by all insurance standards, is feasible because the billionaires of the world earned their money, like our parents cleaning houses, raising children, delivering packages, selling clothes, typing documents, nursing the sick; except smarter, with better connections, or simple birth rights of pompous extravagance that we can relate to through mass media - they eat food just like me! The concept of a single person amassing more material wealth than families earn over lifetimes, solely due to the contributed proliferation of our personal information, seems to resonate well.

For some perspective, let's use a fictional class of forty students, each student's parents miraculously make $250,000 EACH for some 50 years; I apologize in advance for having you think about this. 40 Students * 2 Parents * $250,000 Annual Income * 50 Years equals $1,000,000,000 combined earnings over the working lifetime of forty families; then consider Mark Zuckerberg sold $1,100,000,000 of Facebook stock ... to pay taxes.

More of our money is spent on protecting wealthy interests than education, and the gap widens by all accounts through effective policies of rhetoric. Ask any person about austerity measures, then compare their response to policies of deficit-cutting by lowering spending via a reduction in the amount of benefits and public services provided; people may not be aware that schools, hospitals, and assistance besides food stamps and welfare constitute benefits and public services. The austerity with which wealthy public officials, otherwise known as all public officials, trample upon the majority is not the problem, the problem is the majority's austere response, like this is supposed to happen, because it is.

To simultaneously amuse myself with outgoing statistics, and draw the passive paranoid with search keywords, here are some conspiracy theories to dumb down the discussion ... Zeitgiest! Government Weather Control! Illuminati!