Like the mathematically inept with calculators, Macs are for people who simply need things to work, PCs are for people who need to know how things work, and Linux is for poor posers forcibly turned smug elite. I would know, I’ve owned every platform and read The Oatmeal. Now, Macs have left the hallowed grounds of designers and eccentric homes, to infiltrate developer circles and general administrative offices.

I have been anti-Apple for so long that I bought a Creative Zen AND Sony Mini Disc player instead of the iPod! I still don't want to pinch, wave, or generally gesture at my screens! This must be how writers felt about typewriters, or photographers who thought film would never be usurped; where art thou BUTTONS?!

A respected web developer recently told me that her last PC encounter involved DLLs from Windows 98! I started asking around and found that most Mac users have never owned a PC, last used an antiquated Windows version, or were exposed to the much belied Vista. Microsoft hasn't done itself any favors with Windows 8 either, when all they had to do was build a TILED desktop with a Start menu and omni-bar. Of course, it's not difficult to personally install the necessary components, except that extra effort is exactly where a sane person would browse other options; now I know how most Thiests feel.

The easiest explanation for Apple fever has always been convenience. From my experience, public schools were either equipped with Macs or PCs in their computer labs. Each platform maintained a separate image, one remained in a beige box, and the other resembled an organized bucket of Legos. Microsoft may have released the ill fated Courier before the iPad, and Palm may have released the Pilot before the iPhone, except they were all marketed to the wrong generation. The computer market is at the mercy of grown children systematically brainwashed, and devolved to devote themselves to a grownup Leap Frog product. As I get older and lose my complex faculties, I promise to more freely dabble with Apple products; in the mean time, best wishes with your Macs and elliptical machines.

Jonny Lee Miller acting like Robert Downey Junior acting as Sherlock Holmes, we're watching the pilot episode of Elementary on CBS; having already read most every Sherlock story to date, let the complaints begin...

• Tiny Lucy Liu uncomfortably jogging #ouch #knees #cringe the series begins with fraudulent athleticism; take note of the *being something you're not* omen.
• We're supposed to believe this gentleman is a junkie from *junkie jail* due to alcohol abuse? For children much?
• Lucy Liu's phone rang, deep within a 42nd Street subway station, none of the cast or crew lives in New York? #unnecessary
• Trying not to hate the main character, because he's supposed to be this annoying, Watson on the other hand #ugh
• For the love of monologues, if a woman's name is Paula James, do you call her James or Paul? #stupid
• If the mailman saw the body through the window, why did we walk through a room AND hallway to see it on camera?
• While Dr. Gregory House would've appreciated that puzzle, please #cancel this show nonetheless, thank you.

There may be hope for this franchise elsewhere, all indications point towards a superior BBC product...