Something close to my heart is Secret deodorant, it's applied directly to my armpits, less than a foot away from each ventricle. Being raised by three women, my choices as an active boy were limited - and we searched.

We tried deodorants packaged with colognes - throw those Brute bars directly in the trash bin. Davidoff? No! I've found Right Guard spray cans make better flame thrower components than odor eliminators, and that original smell is toxic. Tried to go natural twice, applied a Toms brand, and Arm and Hammer variants on different days - regret both days. The recent headlining contenders for rectifying male perspiration have been Old Spice and Axe Body Spray, both of which I have commended for comedic value, and avoided for their gimmicky nature; thanks guys, I have what works and don't need your product to attract women.

My secret is out, consider this humility, that "made for a woman" quip is daunting; at least I'll be able to raid my wife's deodorant supply. Rounding Prospect Park, or after hours of sun beaten basketball, like a commercial, Secret keeps me feeling comfortably refreshed. Let's not get into soap, those Dove bars are amazing. Women know what they're doing, while Irish Spring has left me feeling like a mopped floor.